Comedy / 2026-02-20
La Quinta
A pronunciation argument turns a hotel name into a comic family myth about language, pride, and tiny sacred rules.

Recording
La Quinta
Smartass Amoeba
Lyrics
La Quinta
By Smartass Amoeba
I said La Quinta
easy, off the cuff
Like naming any hotel stay
I thought it close enough
Her fork froze halfway up
the moment split in two
The room went still
the lights went thin
Something ancient knew
I said La Quinta
She said La Quinta
Fast and low
a warning hiss
You do not say it so
I said La Quinta
She said La Quinta
Not once
not ever
That sound is not allowed
I laughed and tried to smooth it out
like Gandalf being kind
I said La Quinta
Just rolling through my mind
This is the woman
who clears the room
before the checkout scene
Free soap
free caps
no shame at all
She snapped back hard and keen
I said La Quinta
She said La Quinta
Teeth flashed white
correction clean
You missed it
try again
I said La Quinta
She said La Quinta
Say it right
or do not speak
This ends right here
She struck like Gollum in the dark
low, sudden, and mean
My word
my sound
my precious
You will not touch keen
She lives for the free breakfast
waffles stacked like gold
She strips the room of toiletries
before the towels get cold
Tiny soaps
tiny caps
a righteous little spree
Correct pronunciation
and everything is free
This was not about a building
or branding on a sign
This was lineage and language
and a hill she chose to die on
She crouched around the syllable
protective, sharp, unseen
A mother turned to Gollum
over keen
I said La Quinta
She said La Quinta
No debate
no mercy
no delay
I said La Quinta
She said La Quinta
There is only one right sound
You will learn today
I said La Quinta
She said La Quinta
Beige carpet
business stay
I said La Quinta
She said La Quinta
Free eggs
free soap
became a hiss that day