Comedy / 2026-09-26
Taint Tube
A raunchy comic rant about a shared YouTube account overtaken by true-crime videos, murder thumbnails, and algorithmic chaos.
Recording
Taint Tube
Smartass Amoeba
Lyrics
Taint Tube
By Smartass Amoeba
Intro — brisk electric guitar, bass and drums; dry, amused delivery
Verse 1My YouTube recommend bar
Was a nice wholesome place
Chess, Subaru Outback campers
Philosophy, tacos, outer space
Then my wife began to share it
And things slowly rearranged
Dog court, geodes, ammonites
Okay at first — then s••• got strange
Pre-Chorus — band starts pushingRegular crime? Ha — she skips next
But murder most foul?
Truly sick and depraved?
Now that really makes her howl
Chorus — big, catchy, sing-alongMy YouTube got the wife taint
The timeline is polluted
I never claimed to be a saint
But f••• all s••• she done recruited
Bodies buried, spouses blamed
Every thumbnail screams insane
I just wanted chess explained
My YouTube got the wife taint
Verse 2 — playful call-and-response phrasingDecapitation?
You had me at hello!
Mutilation?
That’s something I need to know
Cheating husband?
Wife lost at sea?
Murder with no answers?
Now that she has to see
Serial killers, missing wives
Bodies under floors
The worse the thumbnail promises
The faster she wants more
ChorusMy YouTube got the wife taint
The timeline is polluted
I never claimed to be a saint
But f••• all s••• she done recruited
Bodies buried, spouses blamed
Every thumbnail screams insane
I just wanted chess explained
My YouTube got the wife taint
Bridge — suddenly wholesome, bright and invitingWould you like to watch
A simple game of chess?
Tacos made five different ways?
She couldn’t care less
Here’s a man who built a camper
Here’s the surface of the moon
Nope — a wife went missing
She’ll be clicking that one soon
Breakdown — clipped and rhythmicClick bait
Murder mate
Never guess
On first date
Long after frisky
Penchant for grisly
Macabre briskly
True crime nifty
Verse 3Now when she scrolls
I see the thumbs and know
The ones that make her skip
Versus bodies in a hole
No blood? No screams?
No basement wall?
No husband caught lying
On a 911 call?
She flicks past astronomy
Like the universe can wait
But “MOM VANISHES ON CRUISE SHIP”
Brother, clear the f•••••• slate
Final Chorus — fullest arrangementMy YouTube got the wife taint
The timeline is polluted
I never claimed to be a saint
But f••• all s••• she done recruited
Bodies buried, spouses blamed
Every thumbnail screams insane
I just wanted chess explained
My YouTube got the wife taint
Outro — band drops down, deadpanChess, tacos, outer space
Gone without a trace
Somebody found a torso
She clicked it in my place
Hard stop